Worst. Week. Ever.

As some of you may know, work has been ridiculously crazy over the last couple weeks. Normally, it wouldn't be that bad, but the cushy lifestyle i'm accustomed to, was transformed into a continuous headache. Couple that with some personal hiccups, a computer that wont access the internet, and your boy is singing Roy Jones Jr. songs ("I smoke, I drank").

So without further adieu, I would like to thank everybody who help make my week bearable : Jack Daniels, Napoleon Dynamite, James Duke, Jon Stewart, Larry David, George Romero, Sufjan Stevens, Elliott Smith, and Brian Griffin.

And thanks to my co-contributor for holding me down in my absence...

Contradictions

Just about everytime I go to or immediately around Columbia University, I eat at Tom's Restaurant, of Seinfeld fame. That amuses me because I did not/do not watch Seinfeld. So I got to thinking...what other seemingly contradictory things exist in this Generalist's life:

• March-April 2005 excluded, I have been a frugal cost-conscious consumer, usually saving funds for a periodic major purchase. However, I have no problem spending good money for a great meal (a very transient pleasure).
• I am not religious in the religious sense but I tend to like women with "good moral values" who are also open-minded. (Look at that hedged statement.)
• I think an age-limit will be beneficial to the NBA's core product, basketball, but I would never support the institution of said age-limit.
• I repeatedly berate Wal-Mart but still shop at Sam's Club.
• I'm Black and I'm White. (I'm also clownin'.)

One day I'll try to make a more replete and robust list. Consider this a draft.

Random question spurned on by lunch at Tom's Restaurant: How come we, by default, use and top things* off with chocolate syrup and do not more readily use vanilla or another flavor?

*Note: I used "things" as opposed to food.

Battle Royale

I just watched the Diego Corrales v. José Luis Castillo fight from start to finish on television (previously I had watched it round by round on Showtime's website).

It is the most incredible boxing match that I have ever seen.

If you have ever enjoyed boxing or have never enjoyed boxing...do yourself a favor and take the time to watch this fight.

Just Blaze

I'm a couple of degrees removed from the original source of these emails but as those sources are relatively credible, I'm somewhat led to believe that this is legit. Even in the case that it isn't, under such pretense, the correspondence is incredibly entertaining. This will probably travel all over the internet and I have decided to help with the process, especially given I have writer's block. What follows is The Most Incredible Blazing of All-Time...
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Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005 14:16:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "D"
Subject: D presents: "An Ode to Instability"
To: H

Friends, Some of you may remember by ex-girlfriend S. I recently recieved a letter from her. I would appreciate it if you would take thetime to read it and review my response. I hope all of you are well.

May 23, 2005

Dear [Boyfriend]:

I have had a difficult time, over the past few years, achieving closure of our relationship. It is time for me to seek this. I have gone through the appropriate stages of anger, remorse, sadness. It is now time for me to close this chapter of my life. I am trying to recapture my life and gain a sense of identity back. In my professional life I have done this, but my personal life struggles. For so long I/We were "S & D", that it is hard to gain my own identity back. I am not worried about my career; I will soon succeed even my wildest dreams. I am just stunted by my personal life. I am ready to release you from my life. I also on a weekly basis encounter people who want to tell me about you or have a discussion about you. I do not want to deal with this anymore. I do have a proposal on how to handle this.
I am ready to no longer be forced to deal with your presence. As to how to deal with it, I propose the following:
1. I've heard you have an apartment on the West side. You need to moveout of the West side of Indianapolis, this has always been my side of town, I own a house here, and do not rent like you. I grew up here, and always want to live here. I would prefer if you were to leave Indianapolis all together, but I know this is more than I can ask. I do not want to risk running into you at any store.
2. We should officially divide our friends. Particularly J, J, A, and E. You should write them, thanking them for the opportunity to be their friend and explain why you can no longer be in contact with them. I can provide you with addresses, if you need.
3. I will stay out of Republican politics. I promise not to get involved with any Republican politics, unless my father runs for judge, and than I reserve the right to work on his campaign.
4. I would like you to not have anything to do with all things Cathedral. I feel I should have ownership of the school since my mother works there and my brother and sisters went there. You are more tied to Wabash. This should be where you dedicate your alumni status. I will be involved in Cathedral. When the time of reunions comes up, I am willing to say that you can have the reunions ending in "0" years and I will take the"5" years. So you can have 10 years and I will take 25 years.
5. I will avoid Wabash contacts. The few guys from the house I still speak to on a rare basis, I will not. I will also discourage any male offspring I have from attending Wabash. I know some of these things seem a bit harsh, but I feel they are for the best. I do not ever really wish to see you again. I know that this will of course happen beyond my control, but I think we should do our best to avoid what we can. It is my sincere hope that you understand, and do take the time
to respond. This is my last request of you.

With fondness,
[Girlfriend]

May 31, 2005
Dear [Girlfriend],
Thanks for your letter. We broke up 3 years ago. Knowing that and taking into consideration you believe me to be a cold, career focused, ego-maniac, what on earth makes you think I would take the time to think about you or agree to your proposal? But since I clearly have taken the time to respond, please take a moment to review some comments and counterproposals I have crafted.
1. First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO YOU. After that deep desire subsides, I will vacate the Westside and return to my roots: The Snooty Northside, as you used to call it. However, since I was born on the Northside and I have Northside in my veins you must abdicate all ties to the North. This includes: Living on the Northside, living on the Northeastside, walking down North Street, being a fan of the Dallas Stars (formerly the Minnesota North Stars), wearing North Face apparel or telling your children that Santa lives at the North Pole.
1 (B). I was born in Indianapolis before you were so I should really get to determine who stays and who goes. In my benevolence I will let you exist here only within the St. Michael's Parish boundary (MLK Dr. to High School Rd. and 56th Street to 10th St.) We will call this the SZone. This should be acceptable for you as your family lives across the street and there is a gas station, grocery, convenience store, your place of employment and a fire station. Exceptions can be made with my expressed written consent. You will be required to display a large tagin your windshield giving you permission to travel beyond the SZone.
2. I haven't talked to your friends since we broke up. I think they got the message. However since we apparently are still in fourth grade, please have your friends meet me by the playground at recess so that I can tell them they have big fat heads and they aren't my friends anymore. Do you agree? _______Yes ________No________Maybe
2 (B). One of the few times you let us do something fun, we visited some of my family friends on Geist. It was about eight years ago. We enjoyed their boat and home for several hours during a pre-500 party. Please jot them a note saying you are going to forget that ever happened. Please also offer to reimburse them for the boat gas, pool chlorine, air conditioning Freon, Dr. Pepper and anything else you consumed while you were there. I don't have their address anymore, you can look it up.
3. Please let me know when your father runs for anything. I'm going torun against him.
3 (B). Thanks for staying out of Republican politics. Your heavyweight presence in the party will be sorely missed. I am very involved in icehockey. I play recreationally and coach a youth team in the winter. I would prefer it if you could stop being involved in all things related to ice and ice hockey . You can use those instant first aid coldpaks to cool your drinks from now on. Also, my parents have been very involved with the Indianapolis 500 Festival for nearly 20 years. The month of May is really a big month for us. While I am not able to honor your request of moving out of Indianapolis, I would ask that you just leave town during May. With 250,000 fans going to the race and 35,000 runners in the Mini-Marathon, I don't want to run the risk of bumping into you. I know your birthday is in May, but man, I just don't care.
4. Christ, I don't have the energy for this one.
5. If any of my friends from Wabash actually still talk to you, they are fired as friends.
5 (B). I'm not going to tell my kids anything about you. But speaking of kids, it would be okay with me if my son was a crack addict, just as long as he got your kids hooked on it and became their dealer. In closing, I will never make decisions about my life or my family based on whether I might run into you at the store. I am now convinced that if we ever do bump into each other, you will spontaneously combust. I wish you the best of luck find a spouse. Seriously. It won't be easy to find a person who is willing to spend the rest of his life raising children and making decisions based on your crazy-ass proposal to an ex-boyfriend and your inability to act like a rational human being.

All my best,
[Boyfriend]
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Damn...straight up, why he finish his blazing with "All my best" like that?

After reading this, I'm left with the feeling:
"Committment from me, ah, nah, not likely" - 50 Cent

Looks like...

Looks like I may be taking a trip to see my favorite friend Soren. Expectedly, we never have a good time together. But we're a lot alike, he and I. Here's to you Mr. Kieerkagaard...

"If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality."

Father's Day Special

The following is taken from Peter King's weekly Monday Morning Quarterback article on SI.com which is an excellent read by the way:

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Two men. Ten marriages between them. Here's the Father's Day Note of the Week:

Something called the National Father's Day Council named Larry King and Donald Trump two of its three fathers of the year. According to the New York Post, selection committee chairman Rich Wurtzburger said King and Trump had shown 'great dedication to raising their families.'
King has been married seven times, Trump three. And as the Post pointed out, Trump had three young children when he had an affair with Marla Maples in the '80s.

That's the kind of Dad-like example we want to set for the rest of America!

An interview King had with the New York Times showed the kind of husband-like example we like to see.

Said King: 'I get amazed at the 50-year marriage. My father-in-law is married 50 years. To me, they've had to compensate a lot more than I did. Compensate, make arrangements, give up things, which I wasn't willing to do.'

That's the spirit! Get married, and then, as soon as you wake up one morning not wanting to be married right then, get divorced! Then get married again! And when you see a prettier woman than your wife, get divorced again and get married to the babe!
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Classic.

On the flipside, my roommate and I both had our fathers in town for the weekend. Great weather, great times, and great food. In four consecutive meals, we hit up:

• Grimaldi's - rated the best pizza (italics necessary) in the city, and while I see how such an honor could be bestowed, I would still give the edge to Lombardi's
• Pearson's Texas BBQ - not the absolute best in the world but good enough for the city life
• Carnegie Deli - quite simply, the best deli in the world (im eating the rest of my Woody Allen right now)
• Mesa Grill - one of Bobby Flay's restaurants and its worth the expensive bill (occasionally at least)

It's hard to do it better than that, folks.

Shoutouts to the First Day of Summer...

Continued Insanity

My work load has been ridiculous lately, hence few updates. All the time I haven't been working like a slave, I've been busy selling out my favorite website... Soooooo.... Here's something that I think about often:

8 Blunders of the World:

1. Wealth without work
2. Knowledge without character
3. Pleasure without conscience
4. Business without morality
5. Science without humanity
6. Worship without sacrifice
7. Politics without principles
8. Rights without responsibility

Are you serious?

Sorry, I've been on the nasty hiatus lately, but DC, Philadelphia, and New York (in ten days), will slow down publishing progress.

Anyway, here's something random that I came across, that was crazy to me...

"I'm proud of shows like 'Baywatch' and 'Knight Rider' because it's about saving lives, not taking lives. It's entertainment, it's tongue in cheek, it brings the world together. I think it's responsible for a lot of world peace."

- David Hasselhoff, on his artistic legacy

Speak On It

So I took one of those "blogthings" tests entitled, "What Kind of American English Do You Speak?" My results broke down as follows:

50% General American English
35% Yankee
15% Dixie
0% Midwestern
0% Upper Midwestern

Now, obviously, I'm not really giving this for-fun test any real credence (nor do I really know what is meant by "General American English") but if you take the test for what it is, its funny how I feel this hits right on the head of how I "speak." I oscillate evenly between slang with the homies (and even those who dont understand = coworkers, random folks I encounter) and "proper" English, as they say, while also continually striving to improve my vernacular. That equates to 50% General American English. Then, when I head down South, I always get the "you from the East Coast/New York" and when I'm up North, I always get (like at the Popeyes on E. 45th Street) "you from Down South somewhere." Nah folks...I'm from smack dab in the middle, and people from the u-rea tend to straddle the (Mason-Dixon) line. It's still primarily a contingent of the East Coast but it definitely has influence from the South, which nicely equates for a 35%-15% split between "Yankee" and "Dixie." And sorry Midwesterners, unlike Gatorade, it just ain't in The Kid...


"We can go to the 'D' where Dwele dwell / D.C., P.G., or ATL" - The Messiah...oh my bad, I mean, Kanye West

But really, has there ever been a more appropriate lyric for this blog (individually and on the whole)

Book Club: The Emperor of Ocean Park

I take notes of interesting quotes I read in books for pleasure. I specifically said "for pleasure," because I didn't really engage the activity for books I read for classes. Thus, every month I hope to share approximately 7 interesting quotes/excerpts from the respective book that I finish. I have established this monthly theme, primarily, so as to sustain the book reading behavior I have recently took up, because as has been previously documented (see here), outside of sports watching and video games (what a life!) I am, on the whole, an undisciplined fellow. Besides, I am not expected to have an extensive attention span anyhow...

Personal Experience - Summarized: At just over 650 pages, my excitement and engagement in the book stemmed as much from the fact that I was actually finishing it (and I hardly ever read fiction) as it did from the book itself. (Yes, the book could have been streamlined by removing some of the narrator's repetitive thoughts.) That being said, I did enjoy the plot, albeit the beginning more so than the end, partly because of fatigue, but also because I enjoyed the style of writing where the most suspenseful part of the chapters was in the last paragraph or, in a number of cases, the last sentence (comma comma comma comma, comma) - it made me want to read the next chapter and the next, etc. But, it was a triumph for ya ol' boy - longest book I have ever read, cover to cover.

Below you will find 7 interesting quotes/excerpts from the book. Their inclusion does not necessarily mean I agree or disagree, promote or demote, or any other pro-con conjoined words...they simply were interesting to me:

• "I expect little from life other than mystery and ambiguity, so perhaps it is too much to demand of my feelings about my father that they come suddenly into crystalline focus." (My emphasis added.) (Pg. 615)
• "You cannot escape the consequences of your choices...Time runs in only one direction...None of us who are fathers are quite what we wanted to be for our sons." (Pg. 494)
• "Love is an activity, not a feeling--didn't one of the great theologians say that? Or maybe it was the Judge, who never ceased to stress duty rather than choice as the foundtaion of a civilized morality. I do not remember who coined the phrase, but I am beginning to understand what it means. True love is not the helpless desire to possess the cherished object of one's fervent affection; true love is the disciplined generosity we require of ourselves for the sake of another when we would rather be selfish; that, at least, is how I have taught myself to love my wife." (Pg. 215)
• "Two parents who actually love each other might be an interesting and radical beginning, but the mere suggestion that the traditional household might turn out to be good for children offends so many different constituencies that hardly anybody is willing to raise it any longer. Which further suggests, as George Orwell knew, that withing a generation or two nobody will think it either. What survives is only what we are able to communicate. Moral knowledge that remains secret eventually ceases to be knowledge. Although it may still be moral." (Pg. 228)
• "And maybe, from time to time, the Court has done justice, but a good deal less than most people seem to assume, for it has been, for most of its history, a follower, not an agent, of change." (Pg. 239) (Shoutouts to G. X. Duncan's Politics of Education class.)
• "Depression is seductive: it offends and teases, frighten you and draws you in, tempting you with its promise of sweet oblivion, then overwhelming you with a nearly sexual power, squirming past your defenses, dissolving your will, invading the tired spirit so utterly that it becomes difficult to recall that you ever lived without it...or to imagine that you might live that way again. With all the guile of Satan himself, depression persuades you that its invasion was all your own idea, that you wanted it all along. It fogs the part of the brain that reasons, that knows right and wrong. It captures you with its warm, guilt, hateful pleasures, and, worst of all, it becomes familiar. All at once, you find yourself in thrall to the very thing that most terrifies you. Your work slides, your friendships slide, your marriage slides, but you scarcely notice: to be depressed is to be half in love with disaster." (Pg. 152)
• "When my father finally died, he left the Redskins tickets to my brother, the house on Shephard Street to my sister, and the house on the Vineyard to me. The football tickets, of course, were the most valuable item in the estate..." (First sentence in the book.) (I am the owner of 4 Redskin season tickets, amen.)

The Emperor of Ocean Park by Stephen L. Carter

Likely Next Up: The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell (who else?)

Big City of Dreams

Really this is much ado about nothing.

So, I was in New York City for the long Memorial Day Weekend which, surprisingly enough, actually felt like a long weekend. On Sunday, I thought I would engage in the true New Yorker lifestyle. I walked 13 blocks down to Quizno’s and had the outstanding regular sized Classic Italian (seriously folks, the sandwich is incredible). I then proceeded to navigate (such an appropriate word) “The World’s Largest Store,” Macy’s - home of 10 floors and over 500,000 items. Dependent upon your perspective, Macy’s can be a wonderful or, my usual slant, agitating-body-temperature-rising experience. In New York likeness, I spent way too long in the store, returned 2 items, bought two trendy items and left to go, of all places, to Starbucks.

While Starbucks has some very tasty treats and growing up in a coffee-drinking household has influenced me, I still have an extremely hard time justifying $3 for a cup of coffee, which is funny given the way I dismiss a $10 BlackJack bet loss. Back-in-the-day (humorous phrase for someone in his 20’s) a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts up the street from the peeps' crib was like $0.50-0.60 (may still be who knows)...

By the way, whatever forces have made it such that on the whole people are indeed convinced that higher price conveys higher quality is a powerful phenomenon.

...Nevertheless, I treated myself to my favorite, the Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, and engaged in a beautiful-day-stroll back uptown.

Randomly, Don Cheadle's opening punch line in Crash crept into my mind where he mused that Los Angeles drivers crash into one another just to feel something. That got me to thinking that Los Angeles and New York couldn’t be farther apart from each other, geographically…or the fact that everyone in L.A. is in cars and everyone in N.Y. is walking the streets.

I figured that by walking among the crowds in probably the busiest place in the contiguous United States that I would have a series of mini ‘collisions.’ (People complain that NYC streets are so busy and crowded. In my experience, if you simply walk on the street, you can do so pretty freely.) To my amazement, I strolled from 34th & 7th all the way to 47th & 8th without being touched by anybody…once. Seriously, that’s amazing. Long beautiful weekend in New York City meant people were everywhere (people usually are anyway). I suppose by being under control and unhurried, but still carefree, such an occurrence just might happen.

Fast forward to June 1 while walking to work:

If the timing just happens to work out, my walk to work will run right (alliteration) into the big push of people coming off the train around 9 am. Well it so happened on this day and it’s really an interesting sight. Everyone steaming ahead, maybe trying to make it by 9, maybe just in a hurry for the sake of being in a hurry, or maybe some just appearing hurried because of the environment…and then all peeling off as they reach their destinations. I wonder how it would look from the blimp view high above. I reckon...We all look like automatons in a big machine…

“We the machines inside the machine.” – Invisible Man (Ralph Ellison’s)

parenthetic parenthetic parenthetic parenthetic parenthetic (parenthetic)

We've made it...

Well black people, congratluations. We've finally done it. All the perservance, the years of suffering and oppression haven't been for naught. Because on May 31, 2005 I saw the promised land...

That's right. Forget equal access to opportunity, income equity, proportional representation in congress, or any of that other bullshit. Last night, there was a Bid Whist tournament on cable television.

If you don't know what Bid Whist is, you obviously haven't been to enough family reunions or cookouts. Its the ultimate black folks card game (graduated Spades). All people do is talk shit, and get nasty attitudes when they lose. This monumental event was so off the chain, they had people bring a plate to the television show. I know you're out there thinking, there's no way the show producers had the unmitigated gall to have people bring food on national television, but you're wrong. You are 100% wrong.

Kiki Shepard (from Showtime at the Apollo) brought Banana Pudding, and Issac from the Love Boat brought some nasty looking potato salad. I wish I taped it, but Jon Stewart came on and I couldn't TIVO them both at the same time. Well, my life has been made poorer that I didn't catpure this moment for all eternity. So don't complain black woman. Hold your head high black man. The struggle is over...